Remembering Grandma
My father’s father was the first of my grandparents to die. Â I remember snippets and images of him, but nothing of his personality. Â He died when I was young. Â I remember his funeral, but didn’t really understand what it meant.
My father’s mother was next. Â She died while I was in college, a few months after my father died. Â I remember her quite clearly. Â We were never particularly close, though. Â We’d talk about things that were new in my life, she’d smile and say how nice that was. Â I was sad when she died, but it was really just a small aftershock following my father.
My mother’s father died two years ago. Â I still miss him. Â He wasn’t a close friend, but we had real conversations about things that we both cared about. Â I learned from him, and he learned from me. Â I never understood his religious views, but they didn’t keep us from talking. Â We shared attachments to Town Meeting, the Red Sox, and Massachusetts politics, and talked about them for hours over the years.
My mother’s mother died yesterday. Â She’s been frail for a while and quite ill for the last two weeks, so it wasn’t a shock. Â But it hurts like a bitch. Â She’s my grandmother. Â I’ve talked and joked and laughed and chatted with her for as long as I can remember. Â And now she’s gone. Â Some things that I remember:
I remember going on “Grandma-cations” when I was a kid, where my brothers and I would stay for a night or two with her in Dedham.
I remember, as a child, getting her very angry. Â She said she was “very cross” with me, and I had no idea what that meant.
I remember her cajoling me into piano drills and conversations in French – all a waste of her time, I’m afraid.
I remember getting hand-written, 4-page letters from her while I was at college – and the first three pages were about the Red Sox.
I remember giving a presentation to the exec team at Abuzz in 1999 – and having to apologize because my 80+ year old grandmother was IM’ing me on AOL about whether or not Pedro Martinez was going to win the Cy Young.
I remember how she could press a button and make my mother and her siblings react like they’d been electrified. Â But somehow grandchildren got a pass, and we never got that level of disapproval.
I remember when I was unemployed and rather than buy gifts for Christmas, I used my mother’s kitchen and made cookies as presents, and that made Grandma cry.
I remember the day of grandpa’s funeral, when she got all of her grandchildren together at a table and just talked – about us, about her, about her life, about grandpa.
Most of all I remember her stories. Â I’ll never be able to reconstruct them. Â Most of them died with her. Â But I have snippets.
- Some pictures of her telling the story of the squirrel in the living room.
- My pictures and commentary from the 65th wedding anniversary celebration.
- A video of her telling the story of her wedding catering preparations, parts one and two.
- A montage including a wedding photo. Â And a second and third montage, all related to my grandfather.
One last picture, from my Uncle John. Â It’s not a picture of Grandma, but it’s a picture of what she was. Â She was family, she was cake, she was Dedham, she was china, she was napkins, she was birthday, she was date keeper. Â She was the last of her generation. She was family.
I miss her already.
Posted: July 18th, 2009 under family.
Comments: 8
Comments
Comment from Blobby
Time: July 19, 2009, 8:02 am
What a nice post. What a great relationship.
All my grandparents died when I was much younger so I never truly established a connection like this. It hurts now, but what great memories to carry w/you forever.
Comment from Yoav Shapira
Time: July 19, 2009, 10:14 am
Sorry ;( My condolences. Let me know if / how I can help.
Comment from Leila
Time: July 19, 2009, 11:51 am
Thanks, Dan, for sharing your memories. You are blessed to have them!
See you tonight!
Comment from Sean Breen
Time: July 20, 2009, 3:37 am
Beautiful tribute, Dan.
Comment from Rich cook
Time: July 20, 2009, 8:49 pm
Sorry for your loss man. My grandma (last grandparent) passed away earlier this year. Sucks. She was a story teller…Tons of stories about the more colorful people in the family going back to the 1800s that she had collected.
Rich
Comment from dunster
Time: July 20, 2009, 9:49 pm
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts of support. We buried grandma today. It was sad, but she was a great lady who had decided that her time had come. I’ll miss her, but her passing is not a tragedy.
Comment from dunster
Time: July 21, 2009, 12:24 am
I thought of another one today: I remember how she liked my Mustang convertible. When I got it, she would ask about it every time we talked. I visited one day, and then asked her if she wanted a ride with the top down. It was a little cool. She wrapped her head in a scarf and put on those gigantic grandma-sunglasses. We drove around Dedham and West Roxbury and who knows how many other towns. She talked and talked about what the neighborhoods used to be like – I just drove, and let her direct the drive. When we came home, grandpa just chuckled – I think grandma was a little peeved at the reaction.
Comment from Jared Kowis
Time: July 18, 2009, 11:00 pm
So sorry for your loss, Dan. Hope you’re doing alright.